Gay pride at gran canaria's yumbo centre

The hottest queer totty on planet earth is found at Gran Canaria’s Yumbo Centre - a Mecca of fags, dykes and trannies up for a party. Surely, then, nowhere better to celebrate seven days of Gay Pride.

A stone’s throw away fromthe Maspalomas Dunes (the gay beach – as it is known) The Yumbo Centre boasts around over a hundred gay bars, saunas, clubs, restaurants, shops, tattooists and even a few hairdressers.

Whether you’re up for a latte over a newspaper or beer over something altogether more, well, naked, there is something here for you.

Many of the revellers during Pride week are young guys, under twenty-five. Many gay bars in the Yumbo are pretty mixed with women and men but there are a few ‘Men Only’ establishments that tend to open much later at night, and cater for pretty any kind of sexual action you are looking for.

The saunas, I’m told, do a very brisk trade throughout the day. Rather unusually, an early Pride Event listed in the programme is a Sauna party at Sauna Nilo – starting at 5pm, no less. So on Monday there is street entertainment – think of The Royal Mile in Edinburgh during the Fringe without the hawkers. Tuesday there’s a really crude, but bloody brilliant, Adult Only Drag Show at Club Mancha as well as the for mentioned sauna party.

Later everyone at the Yumbo is wearing rainbow colours, and little else. Wednesday begins early at 1pm with a pool party, again at Club Mancha. This kind of event could never happen in the UK.

We’re outdoors with a DJ, a bar, a pool, and loads of guys strolling around in tight trunks. Sorryguys
no pics – if I could find anywhere to keep the camera... Later we sit through a big screen showing of the Rocky Horror Picture Show at the gayest Hard Rock Cafe I’ve ever visited.“The Hard Rock is a multi-million Euro business”, drag queen of the Yumbo, Beverley Hills exclaims,“but Hard Rock Gran Canaria is on the doorstep of the biggest gay centre in the world. They want your gay money!”

Later still on Wednesday is the Pride Opening Ball at Heaven, probably the best gay club in the Yumbo. The rather brilliant and hot has fuck rapper Q-Boy performs a hugely popular set, and then we all party on till 7am. Ahem – 7am. 24 Hour partying has been around in this place for years.

Suffering from sleep deprivation the next day and nursing a Diet Pepsi, I meet John, the owner of
Hollywood, a bar situated opposite the main stage that is purpose built for Pride Maspalomas 2008. “Tonight’s the first of three free concerts on that stage”, says John, aspritely, handsome seventy year old guy, who speaks with more than a hint of an Australian accent, “We’re excited as it’s a fundraising event for Amigos Contra el Sida the local HIV/AIDS charity that does a lot of work out here.”

Hollywood is an intimate drinking den within, with lots a seating outside for absorbing the sun rays and watching the scantily clad world go by. On the walls are pictures of John, with various celebs, taken during his radio broadcasting career. He’s talked with the real greats of yesteryear. We chat for a while about Nat King Cole, Sinatra and the other icons of the golden age. John’s passion though, is for the here and now, and although he clearly loves living and working on the island, the proliferation of unsafe sex here worries him deeply.

“Guys aren’t taking their own bodies seriously”, he says, and he’s right. If you want to party on, you have to take care of yourself. You gotta get stronger to get higher.

The concert itself opens sombrely and effectively with a reflective, contemplative, intelligent, if religious tone which goes on to dominate the proceedings throughout the night. Greg Hazels, with some rather good Barry White numbers, really impresses. The fabulous Beverley Hills gets the biggest cheer of the night, even before she reads out the letter to Pride Maspalomas from Sir Elton
John.

Friday night is the GLAYGala show. GLAY (Gay and Lesbian Association of the Yumbo) is like a cross between a gay activist group and a business association. Local venue owners and workers were at the centre of organising Pride Maspalomas, and that professional touch shows throughout the week. The only surprising element is that a few gay venues opt not to contribute, whilst pocketing the extra Euros that Pride delivers to them in bundles. None of those venues are mentioned in this place.

Friday’s concert is an all together more upbeat affair than Thursday’s show. Keith George’s Boy George Experience delighted with his version of Bow Down Mister whilst Jo Frances, a hugely popular English lesbian singer, had the girls, and more than a few of the gay guys, going wild. Interestingly, all of the acts from Friday night are sponsored by bars and clubs. A pretty good way of keeping those costs down. A note to those Pride events back home – book these acts people! (And get your local gay bar to pay for it). Jo Francis is sponsored by dykes haunt Jackie’s Bar and the Scots run Buddies Bar.

Buddies, situated next door to Hollywood is simply bursting at the seams with Kilted Types. Buddies hosted a great drag show in the bar with Maisie Trolletteand Miss Jason, older than most
and yes, better than most too. Kevin, the bars co-owner, is another GLAY volunteer. “Running a business and a Pride event of this scale takes some doing. Takes time to do it well”. Says Kevin,“Buddies is popular with Scottish people - you’ll meet folk from all over in here
and they come back night after night”.

Ricky’s Cabaret Baralso hosts drag shows; in fact, it holds a drag event every night. When one, like me, reaches a certain thirty-something age it gets more and more difficult to impress with drag – I’ve simply seen so much of it. But Gina G-Spot and the ladies hit the mark nightly with a full on, imaginative, often ground breaking show nightly around 11pm. Whether you visit Gran Canaria during Pride week or not – you simply must check Ricky’s out.

So to Saturday, Parade day. And it’s sequins and frocks agogo. What is the collective noun for drag queens? A swear box? An ego? We are here to witness the world record attempt for the number of drag queens in a chorus line. The old record was, apparently sixty nine. Today they manage seventy five. A truly unique, if loud mouthed, piece of history. Then to the parade itself. Lots of floats. Lots of sun. Lots of near nudity.

An open air dance party keep those more energetic revellers occupied whilst I dine at Valentine’s
Restaurant. These guys are enthusiastic supporters of Pride. Their pasta is damn good too. The waiters are, ahem, hot.

I then call in at Bar Desire, a theme venue with a different look every night. During the parade the staff were dressed in ‘Back to school’ gear.

Tonight appears to be army night. Young and sexy waiters know their jobs well. A happy, friendly place to hang for a while.

And then it’s the big one. Saturday night and the main stage lights up with the likes of The Weather Girls, Kym Mazelleand the absolutely brilliant Bearforce1 – the world’s best Bear Band. Nobody cared that the perpetual let down Pete Burns didn’t turn up. Too busy dancing to the Bear’s version of Frankie’s Relax or the Village People’s YMCA. Special mention too must go to the TJ Dancers–who worked their socks off all week – to great acclaim. “When those boys danced together it was simply beautiful”, smiles a slightly gooey eyed John from Bar Hollywood. He’s right you know.

Pride Maspalomas 2009 will be held from Monday 4th- Sunday 10th May. I’d book my ticket now if I were you. Meet Yuri, Robert, Peter And and Eddy of BearForce 1, the self-proclaimed world's first 'bear band'. No smooth-looking boy band here. They're into furry friends with a passion for singing and performing. They are now touring the world, spreading their message of love and fun, and of course, a little fur.